Marriage is about the sacrament — the dying to oneself and serving the other, planning the future together, working together, creating Oneness and stewarding a family. It isn’t about white dresses, bachelorette trips and smashing cake. And yes, if people can’t tell us apart, that’s their problem 😆 Love this piece!!
While my dress was white, it had pastel flowers embroidered all over it. I was lucky enough to buy it for cheap off the rack. It was SO me, and I would have been sad without color. I'm an artist too. I get it. It sounds to me that a purple dress is super fitting for you!
I appreciate your sharing about the Orthodox custom of the crowns. I began to research a few days ago to prepare to write an icon of the Wedding at Cana, and I noticed many had the couple crowned -- but I was unfamiliar with the custom. (I'm Roman Catholic.) Thanks for the insight!
Pastel flowers sound so pretty! 🤩🌸 I'm so glad you loved it! As you can see, being an artist is something I'm struggling with haha. Thank you so much for the validation, Julie!
I felt this same way leading up to my wedding! I wound up wearing a pink dress with only four people present, and no reception (just a fancy dinner out!). It was a dream!
I wore a black dress to my wedding and it looked fabulous. Granted it was my 2nd marriage and I got married in Las Vegas. Our reception was later near our home in NJ and was a catered party at a community center with a DJ (great fun).
My husband and I got married last November - we got ready together in our apartment before the wedding, walked up the aisle together, I wore a short dress and sparkly sneakers (even though it was a serious Catholic wedding presided over by the Archbishop), my brother-in-law cut our wedding cake because of an in-joke and our reception was mostly dancing (almost no speeches). We got some pushback beforehand from family members but my gosh it was worth every second (and everyone agreed it was an amazing wedding afterward). You will not regret doing it your way!!
The most authentic, intimate, and beautiful weddings I’ve been a part of have all bucked modern day traditions in one way or another. My favorite (aside from my own) was a wedding of circus performers in the mountains of Italy. A weekend long affair with communal effort for meals and chores and no white in sight. Follow your heart, wear purple, it will be far more memorable than any cookie cutter performative version. 💜
Wow you are speaking my language - my twin sister and I are fire dancers (circus arts adjacent) and also Italian-American, so that sounds like a wedding I would LOVE. I really appreciate the encouragement - thank you so much! Going to order the purple dress tomorrow ☺️
Loved this essay!! My own wedding was very traditional and a (for me) large wedding of around 100 guests, with a relatively expensive venue. I loved the day, but the amount of anxiety and pressure I felt the evening before was horrendous. I was so terrified that something would go wrong/I’d be unwell on the day and that all that money would be wasted that I got a mere 30 minutes sleep and threw up 3x from stress. I’ve always been anxious about having attention on me, but you’re right that it’s unavoidable on your wedding day and people do judge what’s different! Good on you for not conforming :) can’t wait to see you in your purple dress if you choose to post photos!
A wise friend told me to focus more on the marriage rather than the wedding day - that’s the most important thing after all! Though in today’s culture it feels like weddings are an excuse for a huge party, and the actual marriage is an afterthought that you can somewhat easily (in comparison to the past) dip out of if you want to at a later time.
Aw, I feel bad that you felt so bad the day of! I’m sure I’ll be nervous too, but I am trying hard to reduce my caring about what people think 😂 It takes courage. I’ve just always found it all ridiculous. When I was younger, I wondered if marriage was even for me at all since I wasnt a girl who fantasized about the cookie-cutter wedding day. But you’re right - thats not what marriage is, it’s not white dresses and big parties, it’s a a mystical union. Thanks a lot for your encouragement and enthusiasm about my ideas, it means a lot 🩷
The adrenaline got me through and I actually enjoyed it after arriving at the church, it was just awful up until that point 😅 my niece broke the ice by shouting ‘happy birthday’ right before I was about to walk down the aisle hahaha.
Yes, I was the same with secular family coming to our babies Orthodox baptism. I was nervous for that too, but actually the day went well and if people did judge us (which I’m sure they did!) I didn’t hear about it because it’s so rare that anyone would actually say anything bad to your face! I’m sure it’ll be a wonderful day for you too, and people will also appreciate the differences you have in your day because everyone’s been to cookie cutter weddings and sometimes it’s really refreshing to experience something different!
The Wedding Industry (TM) is definitely a scam, and I'm not even married. I do see some buzz on social media calling out the scams of overpriced venues, catering, etc. So perhaps one day this whole industry gets pegged down a bit.
I hope you share what purple dress you choose, because your vision sounds amazing!
It really is a scam! So many polyester dresses are marked up to $1500 just because they're "bridal." And venues will charge more for a wedding than for another event. Luckily, I found a sweet little local event hall that is only $200 for the evening! It's really going to be up to brides to reject it all, but I fear a lot of them are into the lavishness
Thank you so much! I'll definitely share some photos, I'm sure I'll have an article to write post-wedding hehe
The industry does tend to be a racket - making the ceremony and all its trappings more important than the sacramental nature of marriage. Jacking up the cost. In the old days, you are right. People wore good clothes, basically their Sunday clothes, not fancy gowns and tuxes. They often had the "banquet" at home, with friends and relatives cooking the food.
Sounds better -- like actually intimate and community-oriented. My parents speak fondly of the days when people had a church wedding then a potluck party down the street at the local fire hall. Weddings are an industry now as you said, and sadly trying to go against that makes people puzzled! "You're not hiring a $2000 photographer?! You're not doing the 3 course meal?!"
Marriage is about the sacrament — the dying to oneself and serving the other, planning the future together, working together, creating Oneness and stewarding a family. It isn’t about white dresses, bachelorette trips and smashing cake. And yes, if people can’t tell us apart, that’s their problem 😆 Love this piece!!
While my dress was white, it had pastel flowers embroidered all over it. I was lucky enough to buy it for cheap off the rack. It was SO me, and I would have been sad without color. I'm an artist too. I get it. It sounds to me that a purple dress is super fitting for you!
I appreciate your sharing about the Orthodox custom of the crowns. I began to research a few days ago to prepare to write an icon of the Wedding at Cana, and I noticed many had the couple crowned -- but I was unfamiliar with the custom. (I'm Roman Catholic.) Thanks for the insight!
Pastel flowers sound so pretty! 🤩🌸 I'm so glad you loved it! As you can see, being an artist is something I'm struggling with haha. Thank you so much for the validation, Julie!
I felt this same way leading up to my wedding! I wound up wearing a pink dress with only four people present, and no reception (just a fancy dinner out!). It was a dream!
That sounds REALLY nice! Love that you wore pink!
I wore a black dress to my wedding and it looked fabulous. Granted it was my 2nd marriage and I got married in Las Vegas. Our reception was later near our home in NJ and was a catered party at a community center with a DJ (great fun).
My cousin's cousin wore black haha! They all loved it!
My husband and I got married last November - we got ready together in our apartment before the wedding, walked up the aisle together, I wore a short dress and sparkly sneakers (even though it was a serious Catholic wedding presided over by the Archbishop), my brother-in-law cut our wedding cake because of an in-joke and our reception was mostly dancing (almost no speeches). We got some pushback beforehand from family members but my gosh it was worth every second (and everyone agreed it was an amazing wedding afterward). You will not regret doing it your way!!
Thank you for the encouragement! That sounds more like my style, too 😆
The most authentic, intimate, and beautiful weddings I’ve been a part of have all bucked modern day traditions in one way or another. My favorite (aside from my own) was a wedding of circus performers in the mountains of Italy. A weekend long affair with communal effort for meals and chores and no white in sight. Follow your heart, wear purple, it will be far more memorable than any cookie cutter performative version. 💜
Wow you are speaking my language - my twin sister and I are fire dancers (circus arts adjacent) and also Italian-American, so that sounds like a wedding I would LOVE. I really appreciate the encouragement - thank you so much! Going to order the purple dress tomorrow ☺️
Yessss! Can’t wait to see you glow in your dream gown!
Loved this essay!! My own wedding was very traditional and a (for me) large wedding of around 100 guests, with a relatively expensive venue. I loved the day, but the amount of anxiety and pressure I felt the evening before was horrendous. I was so terrified that something would go wrong/I’d be unwell on the day and that all that money would be wasted that I got a mere 30 minutes sleep and threw up 3x from stress. I’ve always been anxious about having attention on me, but you’re right that it’s unavoidable on your wedding day and people do judge what’s different! Good on you for not conforming :) can’t wait to see you in your purple dress if you choose to post photos!
A wise friend told me to focus more on the marriage rather than the wedding day - that’s the most important thing after all! Though in today’s culture it feels like weddings are an excuse for a huge party, and the actual marriage is an afterthought that you can somewhat easily (in comparison to the past) dip out of if you want to at a later time.
Aw, I feel bad that you felt so bad the day of! I’m sure I’ll be nervous too, but I am trying hard to reduce my caring about what people think 😂 It takes courage. I’ve just always found it all ridiculous. When I was younger, I wondered if marriage was even for me at all since I wasnt a girl who fantasized about the cookie-cutter wedding day. But you’re right - thats not what marriage is, it’s not white dresses and big parties, it’s a a mystical union. Thanks a lot for your encouragement and enthusiasm about my ideas, it means a lot 🩷
The adrenaline got me through and I actually enjoyed it after arriving at the church, it was just awful up until that point 😅 my niece broke the ice by shouting ‘happy birthday’ right before I was about to walk down the aisle hahaha.
Yes, I was the same with secular family coming to our babies Orthodox baptism. I was nervous for that too, but actually the day went well and if people did judge us (which I’m sure they did!) I didn’t hear about it because it’s so rare that anyone would actually say anything bad to your face! I’m sure it’ll be a wonderful day for you too, and people will also appreciate the differences you have in your day because everyone’s been to cookie cutter weddings and sometimes it’s really refreshing to experience something different!
Any time 💜
The Wedding Industry (TM) is definitely a scam, and I'm not even married. I do see some buzz on social media calling out the scams of overpriced venues, catering, etc. So perhaps one day this whole industry gets pegged down a bit.
I hope you share what purple dress you choose, because your vision sounds amazing!
It really is a scam! So many polyester dresses are marked up to $1500 just because they're "bridal." And venues will charge more for a wedding than for another event. Luckily, I found a sweet little local event hall that is only $200 for the evening! It's really going to be up to brides to reject it all, but I fear a lot of them are into the lavishness
Thank you so much! I'll definitely share some photos, I'm sure I'll have an article to write post-wedding hehe
The industry does tend to be a racket - making the ceremony and all its trappings more important than the sacramental nature of marriage. Jacking up the cost. In the old days, you are right. People wore good clothes, basically their Sunday clothes, not fancy gowns and tuxes. They often had the "banquet" at home, with friends and relatives cooking the food.
Sounds better -- like actually intimate and community-oriented. My parents speak fondly of the days when people had a church wedding then a potluck party down the street at the local fire hall. Weddings are an industry now as you said, and sadly trying to go against that makes people puzzled! "You're not hiring a $2000 photographer?! You're not doing the 3 course meal?!"